Just 1 of Life’s Mysteries

Guys help me out here! Bottles! BOTTLES! MORE BOTTLES! JARS! CANISTERS! BOTTLES! TUBES! TUBS! I mean I thought my wife had a ton of bottles in the shower….until tonight!

After bathtime I go to lotion up Kiddo before bed and I open the cabinet under the sink where the lotion and diaper rash creme are kept (2 things) and INSTANTLY become confused by a myriad of bottles! Bottles with tops on the top, bottles with tops on the bottom, bottles with twist off tops! ALL that say “Johnson’s.” I’ve got a naked Kiddo in front of me waiting to get lotioned so we can slap on the diaper and at 1st glance I see 2 bottles standing out amongst the rest:

  1. BIG purple bottle with a tear drop and a sleeping baby on it
  2. Medium green bottle with a tear drop on it

Obviously, I grap the one with the sleeping baby on it. Shake. Pop top and slap it down to ‘pretend’ to give Kiddo some and SQUIRT! Gel oozes all over her hands! Bedtime Bath obviously was not the correct choice.

Looking back in the cabinet then:

  1. Medium green bottle with a tear drop on it (still looking at me)
  2. Small creme bottle with nothing on the front of it

OBVIOUSLY, tear drop before nothing.ย  Shake. Pop top in midst of shake and SQUIRT! Gel flies onto the cabinet, myself, and the toilet. COME ON REALLY! Soothing Vapor Bath another bad choice.

Now reading the labels the small creme bottle says: “Baby Lotion.” CLEARLY a good choice. SHAKE! POP THE TOP! SQU…nothing…SHAKE….SQUIIINRECDIBLE! Nothing. It’s not been opened yet!

At this point, I said something, not vulgar but surely inappropriate in front of a 1 and 1/2 year old who repeats whatever her Daddy says. Especially if said in front of Momma tomorrow morning ๐Ÿ™‚

The last of 4 bottles that stood out to me was left. CLEARLY the slender purple bottle with the sleeping baby that read: Bedtime Creme was the appropriate choice. I mean it only looked identical to the BIG purple bottle but w/o the teardrop.

Mind you, these weren’t the only 4 bottles in the cabinet! Only the 4 that stood out!

Why ladies. Why do you torment us so?


8 Responses to “Just 1 of Life’s Mysteries”

  1. 1 Ali
    June 11, 2007 at 9:39 pm

    Read, Conner!! All you have to do is read! I haven’t heard the verbal version of this story yet from you or Rae but I am assuming what you squirted all over Chloe and the bathroom was soap! Come on…the word “bath” didn’t give you a hint?! =)

  2. 2 scooter
    June 12, 2007 at 4:10 am

    this is such an easy fix. when you guys quit buying songs off itunes
    (i mean how renditions of U2 and David Crowder songs do we really need??)
    then we will stop buying so many different lotions, gels, creams and washes. yes, deal???

    since this won’t work then i suggest you develop a system to organize “bath stuff” and “after bath stuff”…….but then you would need….”irritated skin bath stuff” and “irriated skin AFTER bath stuff”. and then there’s “make baby sleepy bath stuff” and “make baby sleepy after bath stuff”.

    you’re in trouble dude.

  3. June 12, 2007 at 6:40 am

    MEN! GUYS! Are you with me! I’m getting slaughtered here!

    Scooter you are something else. When ya’ll stop buying 9 different shoes for every occasion ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. June 12, 2007 at 6:49 am

    I’m with you Conner. I was in my wifes bathroom the other night and starred in amazement at all the bottles. I’m still working on the same .99ยข bottle of Suave I bought over a year ago.

  5. 5 Kimmy
    June 12, 2007 at 6:53 am

    Oh my gosh I can’t stop laughing at this….the men in my house can’t seem to find a gallon of milk on the top shelf so there is no way they would have found baby lotion especially with all of those options. It must be a guy thing but we girls don’t understand how difficult it is to just read the label ๐Ÿ˜‰

  6. 6 Dr Bullonce Now Steerman
    June 12, 2007 at 8:46 pm

    The chemistry lab that is a woman’s bath is well established and just something you need to deal with. How do you deal with it??? Glad you asked. Creativity combined with dumb looks have been my strategy for years. I don’t have firm evidence of the effectiveness but it makes life more fun amongst the oceans of lotions.

    Illustrated in your example would be to lather up Chloe in a thick film of styling gel and let it set into a crusty chrysallis in the bed. When your better half finds baby in the morning with an exo-skelleton that Mr Crabby would envy, you drop your jaw w/ the dumb look she knows all too well… hopefully she’ll insist on cream consolidation into a more user friendly arrangement. Then again she might leave you needing a good balm for your brush burns that of course is not included in her chemical inventory… It’s partly the uncertainty that makes it so fun.

  7. June 13, 2007 at 12:47 pm

    “the dumb look she knows all too well…” I don’t know how to take that…(insert dumb look and snickering here.)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 24 other followers

Categorical Listings


%d bloggers like this: